Tuesday, October 5, 2010

We Celebrate Everything

We have way too much time on our hands as is evidenced by Talk Like a Pirate Day.  I wasn't really sure what was going on until I saw people posting like Jack Sparrow online and my kids, who are all adults by the way, went around saying, "Argh, ya matey.”  Of course, it was quickly followed with "Yes, Mighty Father.” It was then I realized that as a people we will celebrate anything.  We just love to party.  We aren’t satisfied with Christmas, Easter and July 4th.  We need more to look forward to than Labor Day and Bosses Day.  We crave celebration as much as the companies who make streamers and glitter.

As my kids in adult bodies swashbuckled their way through the house, I grew curious as to what other events cause our party hats to be put on.  So, I opened up my web browser and prayed to the god of Google to reveal its infinite wisdom to me.  I was amazed at the various causes and celebrations listed.  Some even made sense to this twisted mind.  Since it is October, I focused there and was dazzled and baffled by the subject of such jubilees.

Some of the more sensible celebrations were Halloween Safety Month, German-American Heritage Month, and even Bat Month.  These, I thought, went along with Oktoberfest and Halloween, so nothing real strange there.  Of course, one I thought stretched the bounds of reason was October 30th, Haunted Refrigerator Day.  Is this really a bad enough phenomenon that we have to make people aware of it?  You have to wonder how this even passed committee.

"Yes, we'd like a day commemorating haunted refrigerators.  People need to be made aware of this danger to their bologna."

How does the person who signs off on these things keep a straight face?  "Do your Snackwells talk to you, Sir?"

"No.  Those are in the pantry.  But my milk has been going sour faster than normal.  People need awareness."

Then there were others that just made me shake my head while making my stomach growl.  October is Go Hog Wild - Eat Country Ham Month, which must upset the vegans and vegetarians.   But wait!  They counter it with making this Apple Month, as well.  I noticed that whoever is in charge of these lists is good about balancing things like that so everyone is included.  They've made it Positive Attitude Month to coincide with Antidepressant Death Awareness. I have to admit that I first read that as antiperspirant and wondered how many roll-on accidents there were.  I can see it happening, especially men with underarm hair resembling small bushes.

October is also Family Sexuality Education Month, but I hear this is mainly celebrated in West Virginia and a few Southern states.  Seriously, who thought up that name? 

October has a competitive slant to it with National Get the Inside Advantage Month.  This celebrates people who thrive in the cutthroat world of business and justifies the ruthless practice of do it to them before they do it to you.  This could also have been named Teacher’s Pet Month or Brown-Noser Awareness.

October is also a thinking month as it is the Month of Free Thought and, just in case a whole month wasn't enough, October twelfth is Free Thought Day.  Not sure if that means you have twice the freedom on that day or if you have to have twice as many thoughts. However, if you have great thoughts you're reminded to share them with Freedom of Speech Week.  I’m not a big fan of the two coinciding as some people’s thoughts really should remain within their gray matter.  Pomegranate beer is a prime example.

I'm not sure why we celebrate some things for a month as opposed to a day or week.  I assume some should have greater importance for their level of seriousness.  Still, I can't figure out why there is a whole month for eating country ham.  Is there such a thing as city ham?  I live in a city and I've never seen a pig in any apartment complex.  Although the way some people live I would not be surprised if there was a pig or two within city limits.

There is also a Cranky Co-workers Day, which, to be honest I think some people celebrate all year.  I like Story-tellers Week and my son loves Techie Day.  Char got a kick out of 10-4 Day and the girls started talking like truckers on a CB Radio.  I figured it was okay since the boys talked like a pirate for a day.  I'm waiting for Talk Like James Bond Day.  “Hi.  I’m Cox, Robbie Cox.”

Pro-life Cupcake Day resides in the month of October as well.  Is there really a group that goes around rescuing cupcakes from elementary school parties?  I asked the girls if they pulled the cupcakes out of the oven early if that constitutes a cupcake abortion.  They had never done that, of course.  There have, however, been a few cupcake cremations I was told.

The 23rd is IPod day, which has to be a giant marketing scheme.  I'm petitioning for a The Mess That Is Me Day.  Then the government and people who put these lists together can help me promote my writing.  Think of the money saved in marketing dollars and the girls would no longer have to stand on the street corner shaking banners.

All of this is well and good, but I choose to celebrate life each and every day.  One moment life is the grill on the back porch with family and friends enjoying the sunshine.  Another moment it's an empty house, hot tea and a Mercedes Lackey novel.  We celebrate existence, breathing and each other.  Be aware of everything around you and celebrate every moment of every day.  Then, you can tell me what a hagfish is and why we need a day for it.

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