These final three months of the
year are my favorite. I love the
weather, the sense of family that surrounds the holidays, and the abundance of
decorations that fill yards and businesses.
And the food, I love the food.
There are plenty of parties and gatherings to keep a calendar full. As a matter of fact, as I write this, the
girls are putting the finishing touches on our Halloween party tonight and our
costumes are laid out, ready to be donned.
The food is simmering and the house is all decked out.
That was my job, decorating the
house. It’s not so much my job as much
as the girls simply surrendering and allowing me to have my fun. You see, part of my enjoyment of the holidays
is plastering the house with festive ornaments and statues, lights and banners. There is no doubt by anyone who passes by
that we celebrate these months with total gusto.
While Christmas is full of the cutesy,
cheerful decorations, Halloween is the month for the macabre. Dark.
Sinister. Scary. That’s the point, right; to make the place
have that ghostly feel of attacking monsters? I have skeletons hanging from the
front oak tree as if fresh from the gallows.
Between the garage and tree hangs a giant web with a spider perched in
the middle ready to pounce and eerie green lights threaded throughout. A morgue sign hangs on the wall screaming its
death cries to those who pass by. There
are witches, ghouls and a werewolf reaching out of the ground with a beating
heart. Scary stuff and I search out even
more every year.
The girls just shake their
heads. “You do know kids are the ones
coming around to get the candy, right?”
“And that matters because…?” I’m
already chuckling at the witch’s scream device I’m putting under the front doormat.
When the little buggers step on the cute Halloween mat a loud cackle will make them
pee their costumes while they’re ringing the doorbell.
“It’s supposed to be fun, not
cause nightmares.”
“I am having fun.” A hanging bat is staring with red eyes that flash
off and on in the dark. “Are you having
nightmares? What are they about? Can we use them out here?”
They are right, however, even
though I won’t tell them that. I need to
be careful how far I go into the fright direction. I mean, as much as I love scaring other
people, I hate being scared. The girls
despise it as well, but that doesn’t stop me from jumping out from behind doors
or around corners every chance I get. It’s
that rush you get as you’re setting up your moment of fright that makes you
keep doing it, and some people are just too easy to scare. Sometimes, I can already picture their
reaction, visualizing it in my mind, and I’m already laughing even before I put
the scare in motion. Several times, I’ve
given myself away, ruining the prank.
So, how far is too far? I gauge
it by how pissed off the girls are going to be once they’ve calmed their racing
heart. If it’s a punch in the arm and an
“Oooo, I so hate you right now,” I can live with that and go through with the
fright. Now, if they’re going to pee
themselves and reach for a knife, then I’ll hold off and put the scene in one
of my stories. And that is where I draw
the line. It’s worth it up until the
point their revenge equals bodily harm or me cooking my own meals.
When it comes to scaring the kids
that ring my doorbell mooching for treats, I believe the scare is a fair price of
begging for free candy. It’s a twisted
version of the barter system. If you’re
going to bring your child to my house with an open bag expecting me to put
quality candy inside that you’re going to “sample” when you get home, then I’m
going to exact my price of sending him back to you shaking with fright. It’s a trick for a treat exchange which I
find extremely fair. After all, have you
priced candy these days? Unless you’re
one of those cheapskates who buy the generic sweets that no one really likes, a
decent bag of candy runs six to ten bucks and one bag of candy is never
enough.
The girls, of course, think I’m
being mean, but I call it just rewards.
I believe they should enact a similar policy for those on welfare. Scare those who just want something for
nothing with work and they might stop expecting free treats. We should get
something for giving them a free handout, at least.
While I am not a traditional type
of guy in many areas, I am traditional when it comes to holidays. Part of that is October is the month of
fright and scares, blood curdling screams and things jumping out at you. That is, of course, me doing it to
others. No one scare me, please. No, really, no scaring me. It’s a one way tradition. Here’s your candy. Now, go away.
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Suggested Reading ~ Pumpkin Carving and Coffins
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