Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Random Acts of Intimacy

I know some of you read that title and immediately assumed that this post was about spontaneous sex.  I even know who some of you are who are thinking it.  However, while that is a rather titillating activity (sorry couldn’t resist), it is not the intimacy to which I am referring.  Sorry.

No, I am talking about those spontaneous moments when you see your partner sitting there engrossed in a movie or a book - perhaps Reaping the Harvest - and you can’t help but reach out and touch them.  Of course, they jump and scream because they weren’t expecting it and you just scared their last beverage out of them.

“What the hell did you do that for?”  They’re clutching their chest with one hand and trying to dry their crotch with the other.

“I just wanted to touch you.  You looked so cute sitting there.”  Of course, they’re laughing and the intimate moment has turned into a Random Act of Fright, which is always hysterical.

It’s sad, but in too many homes that would be the reaction received to such a silent, sweet act.  Those moments just don’t happen often enough and whey they do, they’re met with suspicion.  The 8-year old will come up and hug me laying her head on my shoulder.  I hug her back, enjoying the moment for a brief second before I ask, “What do you want?”

And I’m not disappointed.  “Can I have a snack?”

Okay, to be honest, she does give me the random hugs without motive, but it wouldn’t have been a funny anecdote.  The point is, we need those little bursts of intimacy.  We need to walk up behind our partner and wrap our arms around their waist, pull them tight against us and squeeze as we breathe them in.  We need it.  Oh, they’ll benefit from it, but these random expressions are for us.  The recipients will enjoy the embraces and caresses, of course, but the real reason to reach out and touch a loved one when they aren’t expecting it is because  it makes us feel good about ourselves.  It boosts our self-esteem and causes us to feel better about whom we are.  You cannot think poorly of yourself while sneaking in a hug.

Try it today.  Creep up on your loved ones and give them a hug or a peck on the cheek.  If they haven’t fainted, they’ll smile and then so will you.  Toss in a whispered “I love you” and it just might change the course of your evening.  You owe it to yourself to be a random giver of intimacy.  Be a hugger.  It’ll change you from the inside out.

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  1. I have been spending a lot of time with my youngest child since she's been home from school with a fractured wrist and the sniffles. Despite all of that togetherness, she has come to me each night, hugged me no differently than when she was 3 or 4, and said, "I miss you Mom." My son takes his face and pushes it up against mine, reminding me of just how affectionate "five minutes of uninterrupted eye contact" really is. My oldest plunks her arm down on my lap and says, "rub me"...these are the ways that I know that they would be devastated if anything happened to me. You are absolutely right Robbie, and I am so glad that I am not lacking those moments in my home and family. As usual I love your post...thank you for sharing!

    1. Thank you, Christina! Those bursts from our little ones are awesome. It's sad when people don't take the time to enjoy them. Quick healing for you daughter :)