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They hate it when I make them pose like this now. |
When my sister and I were still in elementary school, my
mother believed we were too young to attend funerals. Not because of our behavior, mind you, but
rather the due to the nature of the event itself. As such, we did not attend my grandfather’s
funeral when he passed away on that sad Thanksgiving Day in the 70s. She did not wish for that to be our final
image of the man and I can’t say I disagree with her. I held the same belief for my boys while they
were that age. There are just some
things children do not need to know or see.
We can give our children too much information too fast. With media the way it is and more parents
permitting their children earlier access to the internet unsupervised, little
ones are bombarded with more than their young minds are ready to process. They can become confused and scared, leading
to nightmares and emotional turmoil. The
8-year old came home crying one afternoon because she heard the song Cannibal and had images of people eating
people in her head that terrified her.
(Be careful parents what you allow your children to listen to.)
Everything is magnified in the eyes of a child - good things
are seen as great and bad things are terrifying. We’re expecting a child who cries over Barbie’s
missing shoe to relate to a loved one’s major surgery or catastrophe in another
part of the world. Quite often, trying
to talk to a child of these things as if they’re adults does more damage than
good.
I’m not saying hide things from the children. That can be just as harmful. When my grandfather died, my sister and I
were sent to a cousin’s house while my parents went to the hospital. At first, I didn’t know what was going
on. Our visit with my grandparents had
suddenly gone sour. Grandmother was
crying. Mom was on the phone. Dad and my uncles huddled worriedly around my
grandfather. Paramedics showed up. Then an ambulance. My sister and I were put in the car and
ushered away with a short explanation that didn’t explain much.
This is when I should have known I was going to be a writer. My mind went into a dramatic overload. I sniveled.
I cried. I wailed. Okay, maybe not a writer, but an actor. When they finally told me what was going on I
pulled into myself and held the proverbial black cloud firmly in place over my
head. I was dramatic. Overly dramatic. I wasn’t mature enough to deal with the
situation without causing my parents more stress.
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Hurricane force winds |
Again, I’m not saying that we lie to our children or hide
things from them. However, be careful
how much of the gritty detail you give your child. There is such a thing as too much
information. When Hurricane Floyd was
supposed to hit our area, we were told to evacuate. Char and I packed the car, loaded the kids
and pets, and headed north to my parents.
We all called it our Evacuation Vacation and while Char and I kept an
ear out for news back home, we kept the radio away from the boys. We went on an actual three-day vacation and
allowed them to enjoy themselves without worrying about what might be happening
to their action figures back home. As it
turned out, Floyd turned and never touched us, so the children, if given the
horrifying possibilities, would have been worried for nothing.
It’s been the same with loved ones in the hospital. Little children do not need the full weight of
an illness or injury. I don’t want my
kids to worry. When the boys were
little, I was having some massive chest pains, bad enough to drop me to my
knees in an instant. When I went into
the hospital, they knew that I wasn’t feeling well and was having some tests
done. That’s all they really needed to
know.
“I’m going to be fine.
I’ll be out in time for your soccer game,” I assured them and then asked
about what they had done that day. It
was the same when their grandfather went in.
When the 8-year old recently saw me wearing the heart
monitor, we joked that the girls were having me tested to make sure I had a
really had a heart. She asked questions
about what the monitor did and if it hurt, and we answered every question she
asked. We did not pre-diagnose and feed
her all of the worst case scenarios.
Parents who do that are merely looking for attention and putting their need
for dramatics above the protection of the child. There is a limit to what young minds should
be forced to deal with and a good parent will know that limit.
As you feed your child information try to do it in the most
positive way possible and avoid the dramatic negatives. Always ask yourself two questions. How will this affect them? Do they really need to know these
details? Most of the time, they don’t.
* * * * *
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Thanks for visiting The Mess!
Balance and as I call it "Big Picture Consideration" before reacting is key to everything...well done as usual Robbie! Good advice with some great examples. I know for a fact that you DO have a heart... <3
ReplyDeleteI kept telling them that lol...
DeleteThanks, Chris, for visiting and commenting and your constant support :) It means the world to me.
I'm not a parent, Robbie, but I am a sister, step-mommy and (delightfully) a grandmother. I agree with you completely. There is Waaaaaay too much information out there today (so much more than when we were children), and today's kids get little enough time just to BE kids. If we can protect them from some of the grittier uglies of Life and not overburden them, I believe it is an adult duty. I think some parents, while wishing to do good for their children, forget about the word "innocense." Today's children get too little time to be innocent and naive. What with drive by shooting, gang violence, cameras at school, checks for guns and drugs, increased kidnappings, drug dealers, pedophiles, flashers...well, darn it all, let children have some time not to worry more than they need to. I'm with you.
ReplyDeleteIt's even made worse by the media we put in front of them. Children have a hard time being children because too many parents want to "give them the upper hand" without realizing that they are expecting little minds to handle adult content. A dangerous situation.
DeleteThanks for visiting and commenting, Sherry :)