Monday, March 10, 2014

Remember When They Meant All?

It seems to be a popular trend for people to fight their battles on social media sites. I know more about people’s dirty laundry now than I am truly comfortable with and, to be honest, I don’t feel bad for those who are spewing how terrible other people are, especially their exes. These bouts of verbal hanging do not cause me to sympathize with the one stringing up the noose. On the contrary, they force me to hide the bitter person and ignore them both.

I understand that something bad happened and the couple decided to split. Whatever caused the problem is not my concern and while I have been a shoulder to some in the past it has been a one on one conversation of encouragement that while they may hurt right then, they will get on with life and find love again. Before they begin to bash the other person for ruining their life, I also remind them that just a short time ago that person that they now hate was their entire world. I remind them of the oaths of love and devotion that they sickened everyone else with as they couldn’t shout loud enough their deepest feelings for the person they now wish to find laying in a gutter, face down.

And it’s true. There were vows made, promises issued, and love poured out in syrupy fashion. Perhaps forgiveness isn’t something that can be given at once, but whatever happened should not negate the years of closeness and love. To turn into a bitter, angry individual does nothing to hurt the one who hurt you. It only brings harm to your inner peace and contentment. Breaking your promises doesn’t hurt the other person as much as it hurts you. Spouting out long diatribes of cruel, vindictive prose on any of the social media sites you want to hurl your insults onto only makes people look at you strangely, not your ex. Odds are your ex is no longer on your Facebook or following you on Twitter, so they won’t see it anyway.

Write out your anger on paper if you need to and then burn it. However, don’t post it all over the internet. You will find that the only people who rally around you are the ones who feed off the drama and not the ones who will really help you move on with your life. These people are like those little fish that swim along sharks and whales feeding off the debris that follows in their wake.

When I see someone spewing forth their venom on Facebook. It only makes me want to distance myself from them. I wonder what would happen if we were to have a parting of the ways. Would they be just as vicious in their comments? Would they forget the words of promise and then create drama with their stories, lies and anger?

I do not try to ruin people’s lives who are no longer by my side. I also do not forget the good times we had and the friendship. I may not like them now, but at one time I did, and for that fact alone I refrain from the angry bursts of hate and critical words. The kindness is not always returned, but then, that’s on them, not me. Anger and bitterness affects me more than it does the person that caused the anger. It’s not necessarily that I forgive. I just do not allow it to control my thoughts and actions.

Don’t allow it to control yours. Remember, at one time that person was your whole world. Honor the memory if you cannot honor the present. In the end, it makes you look like the better person, anyway.

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  1. When you commented how the folks who follow the bashing are the ones who feed off it, I thought of those who try to read into something that's not there. Does that make sense? Let me rewind...

    I have expressed truths about my life, ok, that being said I want to move on. Every now and again I run into a person who I can almost envision without knowing them at all foaming at the mouth over something I've written although that bit was just a story and not a dirty secret. I don't have those. I recently received a comment that wrapped up with "thanks for sharing". Sharing? It was flash fiction. You know, I went back through the 'About Me' section and deleted some things...

    You're right, in other circumstances there were good times, but it changed, maybe it wasn't the best thought out relationships, maybe trust was broken, but there has to come a point in time that a person sees those commenting and feeding in are doing just that.

    Reminds me of Steely Dan's 'Haitian Divorce'

    1. All things change, some for the better and others for the worse, but no one should discard the good as the change commences. Thanks for visiting :)